Vulnerability. It's a touchy subject. But let's chat about it because this question comes up a lot when I'm working with both athletes and leaders because it feels painfully risky, uncertain, and dangerous.

Brene Brown says: "Vulnerability is infinitely terrifying and achingly necessary. We all love to see the raw truth and openness in others but we are afraid to let them see it in us. We are afraid that what we have to offer is not enough without all the bells and whistles, without editing and impressing."

Vulnerability is about finding the things you are willing to share that represent who you are, who you want to be perceived as, and who you want to impact. If you only share the highlight reel, you are not representing the 360-degree view of who you are—you are becoming inhuman to others.

Fallibility is a shared quality in us as humans, and it brings forth connection. Perfection in the form of only sharing the most designed, edited, impressive parts of your life disqualifies your audience—it makes them and their fallibility obsolete. And that will only fray your connection, not build it.

So, if vulnerability feels scary, and you don't know what to do with it, or you think it's for others to deal with and you stick to the highlight reel, keep reading because it can feel intimidating to dig beneath the surface, like you might just offend someone with your honesty. Yet without it, without the editing and impressing that Brené Brown talks about, you risk losing a felt connection with your audience. That connection is what builds influence and impact, trust and rapport.

Here are 3 steps to build connection, trust and impact using one of the most powerful tools— vulnerability.

Step 1: Think of vulnerability as a dial. Not an off/on switch.

This is good news because it doesn’t mean you are either vulnerable, or you are not. It’s more nuanced than that. If the dial goes up from 0 to 10, ask yourself: where are you now and where do you want to be? You may decide that turning it up to 5 is your max, and that’s ok. It doesn’t have to reach a full 10 if that’s not for you.

Step 2: Share from the scar, and less from the wound.

Sharing a past struggle or experience can be easier when it’s something you have healed from, which oftentimes means you have a lesson or a perspective to share from it. Though you can absolutely share something while you’re going through it, also know it’s totally ok to wait and give it time before opening up to the world about it.

Step 3: Stick to the vulnerable topics that are relevant to your expertise/niche.

For example, a public speaking coach could share about how they used to tremble and turn bright red during any kind of speech or presentation. But they may choose to not speak on social media about a tough break up that they are going through. Once again, this isn’t a hard rule, but a potential stepping stone if you currently struggle with opening up.

Critical extra step:

You must decide what you want to risk because you're either risking connection or risking judgment. So, decide what is worth sharing that will help you build connection with your audience, not alienate them. Then decide what you’re not willing to share because it crosses a personal, emotional, intellectual or spiritual line for you.

When you know what’s on the other side of that line for you, deciding what to share becomes far more simple as it either makes the cut…or gets the cut.